A Cry For Help
by Ari-bug
Summary: Kiku just found out he is cancer free for the first time in 4 years. Oneshot, Slight AU


"Kiku Honda 8-18-12

"Congratulations Kiku, I have reviewed you test results and am elated, and quite honestly shocked, to inform you that for the first time in four years your body is cancer free."

Those are the words that brought me to my knees. Words I feared I would not live to hear; at least not on this Earth… I cried for hours. Gilbert and Yao left me alone; they thought my tears were from relief, not because I had been excited to die. Life was too much to handle, the cancer wasn't the cause of most of the pain. People seemed to forget that I even had cancer, except for Gil and my brother Yao and the small comment from Ludwig or Feliciano on my hair loss. I would go to meetings with everyone whenever necessary and deal with government problems as they came. That was just routine, I felt no joy in the work like I used too. I still had Gil by my side, he would always be there when I needed him but he had plenty to handle without me burdening him. Yao would be there to help also, but he had to take care of our younger siblings; not worry about the most independent of the family. I felt alone. I was silent and sensed the mood, that's what most people would tell you about me. That's all they knew about me and all they needed to know. I would give speeches when required but I was not a fan of making a show of myself like Alfred and Francis; I just needed my select group of friends to be there and I would be happy as long as they could smile and laugh. But they slowly faded away before I had realized it, I was so caught up in trying to keep them smiling with all the problems around us that I did not notice when Feliciano had not visited in 2 months. I did not realize that I had not been invited for tea at Arthurs house for almost a year, that I hadn't had a horror movie marathon with Alfred since Halloween last year and had not talked with Heracles or Sadiq since my last business trip to Greece in may when the two had fought even more than usual. I didn't want to be alone, but I felt that with the amount my health had deteriorated since I found out I had cancer that if I were to spend too much time around anyone I would just be a burden. Only Gilbert noticed the change in my character, he stayed with me at all times unless he had to go somewhere or I needed space; he would have me come on business trips with him at first until I couldn't handle travelling anymore. When that happened he had Ludwig take over the trips and he did the paper work, it was sweet but I knew how much he resented that sort of work. Yao took over my work 'temporarily' until I was over my cancer. He had managed my responsibilities when I was growing up but he had aged since then, I was a burden to him too. Even if he and Gilbert didn't say anything I knew that they were both becoming tired of taking care of me. Even if the cancer is gone now, it will take a while for me to recover and when I do there is still a chance I could get it again and I cant pretend to be happy forever. Would it be easier for them if I just died?

Gil said to start this journal to vent, so that's what I'm doing I guess. So until my next entry, Sayonara!"

Gilbert put the journal down, tears streaming down his cheeks. Having read the first entry in the journal written earlier that day after that letter had been received in the mail. He had known his girlfriend had been through a lot of pain but never understood how much she hurt. He had gone into her room to check on her and found her asleep at her desk with the journal sitting beside her and decided that she wouldn't mind if he looked. But he hadn't expected to read that. After picking her up and putting her sleeping form into bed he decided he needed to show Yao. After Yao had read the note, they decided Kiku needed a therapist, someone to listen to the soft-spoken girl. They contacted someone and made an appointment for the next morning, they would talk to Kiku when she woke up.

Yao and Gilbert had both tried to sleep but ended up downstairs in the living room with the TV turned on as background noise. Neither of them was watching but they needed some noise as a distraction from the fact that they weren't speaking. Both had too much on their minds to sleep or interact with each other, so they settled for an uncomfortable silence.

The next morning when Kiku woke up they were both still sitting there the way they had been for hours. Both hoping the other one would bring up the topic that needed to be discussed. Once Kiku had gotten her breakfast Yao decided the easiest way to bring up the subject would be to just show her he had the journal. So he settled for setting it down on the breakfast table in front of her.

"Kiku, why can't you talk to us about this?" said Yao; his face held the same look of worry that it had when he found her on the street when she was just a toddler.

"We are here for you even if we get tired sometimes you aren't a burden!" Said Gilbert, hugging Kiku.

"I didn't want to cause you more trouble." Said Kiku, avoiding looking Gilbert and Yao in the eyes.

"We are taking you to a therapist in a few hours. They will know more ways to help than we do." Yao told her. The look of terror in her eyes was only evident for a split second before she changed it back to her usually indifferent look.

"Either of us can come with you, but only if you want." Gilbert said, noticing the flash of emotion that showed her fear. "We are here for you" He added before kissing her forehead.


End file.
